Daughter

As if family dynamics aren’t complicated enough, now I’m faced with the added “I’m no longer listening to you cuz you have no idea what you’re talking about, so I’m going to listen to your parents cuz they ‘obviously’ got it right the first time”, it makes it that much harder to actually parent your own children.

Why is it when problems arise with your children and you choose on a set discipline there are certain people who find it necessary to go behind you and do what they want with your child even though you have told them not to?

Prime example:

My oldest is graduating this year. She is having HUGE issues with doing what she’s told. It didn’t matter if it’s from myself, my husband or her father, she won’t do it.

How hard is it to just clean your room, load the dish washer, do your homework and help with your siblings? Apparently very.

We had an agreement about her phone, she got one, I paid for it and I had the passcodeto it. Along with that went the agreement that I could, at any time, take the phone and go through it.

Now I know there are going to be those who believe that is wrong and that I should let her have her privacy, and to you I say this, she is MY kids and I will do what I have to, to keep her safe. If that means taking get phone and going through it or going through her Facebook account, then that’s what I will do.

Speaking of her phone, I found some texts and pics that I still think were inappropriate for a young lady to read or see. After finding them I starred to flip out. I went into her room and yelled and screamed at her. I wanted to throttle her, lock her in her room and never let her out, but I didn’t. By the time I was done yelling at her my head hurt and I couldn’t see straight or think about anything else.

I thought I had taught her better. I thought she knew better. I believe her when she said that she was not doing anything bad. I had never distrusted her before. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. Now, I am starting to feel like I have failed her.

So because of these texts and pics, that I wasn’t supposed to see, my daughter has stopped talking to me. She doesn’t call, come over or text any more. She wants to be an adult and make adult decisions but she doesn’t want the adult consequences that go with them.

I know that in today’s world, kids are expected to grow up way too fast. As parents it is our job to make sure that they have a childhood, that they don’t become adults when they should still be playing with their dolls and video games.

So at the moment we are at a point where we don’t talk, text, call or see each other. My family on the other hand, has done everything possible to our a wedge between her and I. My mother had a way of turning things around and pitting everyone against each other. Which she has done very well lately. But that’s a topic for a current post.

New school

So yesterday we went to the new school my kids are going to attend next year. I have to say it was refreshing. They are more concerned with the education and making sure that the children learn about God than whether they have money to build a new sanctuary or another new cafeteria.

The teachers were wonderful and the students have their own “offices”. Their”office” consists of a desk, chair, bulletin board and dividers. They work at their own pace which is great. This will help teach them to be independent, how to use their brain and how to do their own research.

I am excited for them to start. There is also a chance for them to graduate at 16. Could you imagine graduating at 16, getting your associates at 18 and you bachelor’s at 22?

Man I can’t wait! God is doing great things for our boys.

image

Back off, PTO Whore!

Been there. Love the pic of the cupcakes!!

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

anger-management

PTO moms are the real Mean Girls at school.

They’re Martha Stewart on steroids, this impenetrable clique of powerhouses who raise volunteering to an art form. They are the only women you know who own Kwanza-themed salt and pepper shakers, believe all parents enjoy forced crafts participation, and think nothing of bullying the principal into putting their kids in the “right” class.

Don’t let their fake laser-whitened smiles fool you. At Little Dude’s school, the PTO is like Orange is the New Black, rife with vicious power struggles, desperate alliances and forced socialization with horrible people – without any of the lesby girl-on-girl shower action.

They’re relentless and unwavering in a never-ending quest to raise money for EVERYTHING. These bitches will shake you DOWN. Back to School Night is like an open air market in Jakarta.

I’ve been volunteering at Little Dude’s school for the entire time he’s been…

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white girl

The SisterWives

Spoken Word and I go back a long way, and have a very…complicated relationship.
But some words just can’t stay on the page. This was written to be performed as spoken word poetry, so I recorded it as such. 

If you’d like to hear me, please click the picture below:

stapleton 11 Post image by Briton Underwood and Hastywords

 white girl

I should have married the boy I fell in love with in 3rd grade

I’d be living in a big house in Brooklyn

Languid back yard days balanced with jive smoky Blue Note nights

Bedroom walls covered in laminated clippings

testaments in black and white

like me and Jamie

His drumming made me wet when I was 8, and he was 9.

Staten Island, Stapleton projects, and cause we were the only white family at 67 Hill Street I kissed a baker’s dozen of black boys

To see

to see

to see…

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Sometimes

Sometimes, as a mom there are times that are trying. Sometimes, there are times that make you want to pull out your hair. Sometimes, there are days where you want to yell, scream, kick, throw a fit and make them understand. Sometimes, there are days where you just want to give up, throw in the towel. Sometimes, there are days where you want to yell to the world, I don’t care!!

Sometimes, you just want to hide in a hole and make the world go away. Sometimes, that day is today.

I don’t even know

I don’t even know. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what I could do to make it better. I don’t know how to fix it.

I love you more than you will ever know. I would do anything for you.